04 Feb, 2010
Recovery Warrior Thursdays – Tifani
Posted by: Sobriety Diva In: Drug Addiction| Dual Diagnosis| Recovery Warrior Thursdays| Women's Treatment Programs
Recovery Warrior Thursdays
*Real Women Telling their Real Stories in 12…. Questions (not Steps)
Hello my recovery warriors (I call you all my recovery warriors because if you are reading this blog you are taking the first step), welcome to the Women’s Treatment Program (Sobriety Diva’s playground) weekly feature where REAL women can tell their stories to other REAL women so we can find a REAL solution to this REAL problem.
I am so grateful to able to meet women in different stages of their recovery through the Sobriety Diva fan page. Their willingness to help save others through sharing their stories is remarkable.
I am very happy to introduce you to Today’s Recovery Warrior, Tifani.
- The Sobriety Diva
1.Name:
Tifani
2. Age:
22
3. How long have you been sober?:
1.5 years
4. What are you recovering from?:
Alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia, self-injury, bipolar disorder
5. When did you cross over into addiction?:
I began self-injuring when I was 11. My anorexia started when I was 13 and shortly after that I stopped self-injuring… I see it as a situation of addiction switching though, because my ED didn’t get out of control until I stopped the self-injury. I had brief points of recovery from my ED during high school, but when I went away to college I spent my two years there in an endless cycle of addiction switching between my eating disorder and alcohol.
6. What was the breaking point that finally made you accept your addiction?
I think there is a difference between knowing and accepting. I KNEW that I had an addictive personality from the time I was about 16. However, I didn’t accept it until I was 20. It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year at college. I was spending the summer at school in Wisconsin. I had been fooling myself into thinking that I was a functioning alcoholic and that it was possible to have an eating disorder and succeed in school. But at the beginning of the summer I got a letter from my school saying that I had been kicked out for poor grades. In my head, this was such a source of shame that I chose to keep it from everyone in my life for about 6 months. That letter did end up being my first tangible evidence that I could not keep doing what I was doing- that I wouldn’t just be “fine” unless I accepted and changed my behaviors.
7. Did you make the first step alone or did you have help from your family, from your religious organization or other intervention?
I was seeing a wonderful therapist at the time that I hit my breaking point. We had been having phone sessions while I was at school, so even though she was getting worried about me, she hadn’t seen me in person in a while. When I came home at the end of the summer, it was supposed to be for two weeks- I always thought that a change of location would make everything better. I figured I’d be home for two weeks, get a little break from Milwaukee, and then go back up to school and be ready to start the new semester. I hadn’t even been in Illinois for 24 hours when I saw my therapist and she persuaded me to go into inpatient treatment. This wasn’t my first treatment by any means, but it was the first treatment that I took seriously; the first time that I seriously looked at how my life was going and realized that I had to make serious changes.
8. What road did you travel? Did you go in-patient treatment, detox, AA, or another option?
Like I said, I was in inpatient treatment several times, mainly for my eating disorder and depression. By the time I was 20 I was so used to treatment that it was safe for me. I felt comfortable in that world. However, when I went to treatment that time, my therapist recommended a group home for girls with eating disorders as a next step after treatment. I cannot even begin to say how lucky I was to have that opportunity. Since it was not the same treatment program I had done many times before, I had to truly step out of my comfort zone. Also, with only 8 residents in the group home at a time, I truly had the personalized attention of the staff to help me focus on my recovery. I was at the group home for 2 months and while I was there I began going to AA meetings, which I attended every day for quite a while.
9. When you first get into recovery, they tell you you have to change people, places and things. What changes did you have to make on your journey?
I was pretty much forced into changing places- I finally was honest about being kicked out of school and was told by my parents and my therapist that I could not go back at that time. Because of that, most of the people in my life changed as well. I had effectively alienated all my friends from high school who still lived close to my parents’ house, and after a while I began to have less and less in common with my friends from school. I also met my husband while I was going to AA meetings, and we got married in June of 2009. I definitely believe that it was necessary for me to change these things- my old friends had become so used to the person I was that I do not know how they would have reacted to my being in recovery, and I also do not know if I would have been able to resist the temptation to go back to the person who they knew. Today my best friends are my husband and my friend Judy, who is one of the only friend I was able to keep from my old life. I still keep in touch with a few people from school and have also made some new friends close to home. I am also VERY blessed to have a 3 month old son, Jackson Miles, who was born on October 29 at 1:47 a.m.
10. How do you maintain your sobriety today?
I go to one 12-step meeting a week (EDA). I also try very hard to not keep my feelings inside- I have to remember that I am not a burden on people and that if I am feeling something I need to talk about it. One of the most important things that I CAN’T do in my recovery is glamorize how things used to be. I will admit that I had some good times at school, but I have to remember that they weren’t all good. I can’t focus on the bad times, but if I forget them completely I worry that I won’t appreciate what is good in the here and now. And- it has to be said- my son 
I love being a mommy. He reminds me every day that it is a good thing that I am healthy because he needs me to be strong for him.
11. What words of empowerment would you give to women who have not made that first step yet?
Ask yourself: What are you waiting for? Because I can tell you from personal experience that if you are waiting to be able to drink normally again, if you are waiting for the number on the scale to finally say something you’re happy with, if you’re waiting to feel happy while you are using all your negative coping skills- it’s never going to happen. I waited for all of these moments for a long time and believe me, they never happened, nor would they ever have happened. Also- you are never too young to stop the cycle. I felt like I was too young to maintain long-term sobriety when I first started AA, but soon I realized that age doesn’t matter. I went into AA 5 months before my 21st birthday and I am glad I did. No matter what my life would have led me there at one point or another, why put off the inevitable.
12. Last one – I wouldn’t be the Sobriety DIVA if I didn’t ask it. Great pair of shoes or Fab handbag?
Haha wouldn’t it be nice if I were more of a diva… I’d have to say comfy shoes and for a handbag… my coat pocket works just fine. Sorry guys, low maintenance here.
Tifani currently works at a coffee shop with plans to go back to school and upon receving her masters transition into Student Affairs on the collegiate level.She is active in the ED awareness community and works to give back to the treatment facility that she went to. She is also working on her own recovery site (which is under construction), http://powerinpurple.org.
She wanted to make sure and give thank to her husband Bob and son Jackson and stepdaughter Zoe Jane (5 years old).
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