Some days I just can’t seem to eat enough food. My appetite is insatiable I wake up in the morning convinced today is the day that I will start my diet. How many times have I said this and meant it sincerely. The guilt and remorse I experience after bingeing is indescribable, only a fellow food addict would understand.

Convinced that I am done with overeating that I am ready to change how I eat, look and feel about myself. My intentions are real I believe the words I say as I am stating them. What follows next is the first bite of food.

It has taken me years to recognize that first bite of food is the problem. Certain foods set up an allergic reaction in my body that makes me have to have more. I know if I eat spinach or carrots I have a chance to have a good eating day. I also know if I start my day with a toasted bagel my day is done. I am consumed with getting more.

I equate this with how an alcoholic has to have another drink. I physically and mentally have to have more refined sugars and carbohydrates. It may sound strange to someone who doesn’t have an eating disorder. For those who share this bingeing, compulsive overeating understand exactly what I am saying.

I learned while in a treatment program how to find my triggers, to pay attention to my feelings and stress level. Basic life skills that I didn’t possess anymore due to my eating disorder had to be learned all over again. I needed to know I wasn’t alone that other people felt as I did. I had hoped since they had overcome the compulsion this gave me hope that I could recover from compulsive overeating as well.