The Gay Life-Coming Out

Some of the most important (and, in many cases, most difficult) decisions in the lives of gay, lesbian or bisexual people surround “coming out,” that is, when they decide to be open and forthright about their sexual orientation. If you are thinking about whether and how you should come out, you’re probably wrestling with such questions as “How will this change my life?” “Will my family accept me?” “Will my friends still want to be my friends?” and “How do I know if this is the right thing to do?”

Millions of people have come out, and many say it was the best thing they ever did; while being an openly gay, lesbian or bisexual person is admittedly not always easy in this society, they contend it can be so much more gratifying than being “in the closet.” The effort that it takes to conceal the truth and to worry that someone will discover your secret can consume a lot of personal energy and detract significantly from the overall quality of an individual’s life.

In addition to causing pervasive feelings of isolation and fear, closeting yourself away in secrecy and denial can lead to serious mental-health consequences such as depression, extreme stress, anxiety disorders, and alcohol and/or drug abuse. No one should be denied the opportunity to live a productive and fulfilling life just because his or her sexual orientation is different from that of the majority.

Coming out–whether it’s to your parents, friends or to the outside world–can be an extremely complex emotional process. It requires that you develop the courage to honor your own experience of love and intimacy above anyone else’s judgments about it. Going through the coming out process alone can be very, very hard. Many have found that seeking the support of a mental-health professional made a world of difference in their ability to cope with outside obstacles, work through personal uncertainties and apprehensions, and strengthen their sense of self. While you can’t change the world’s prejudices, you can make sure you don’t internalize counter-productive attitudes. There are therapists who are especially experienced in gay and lesbian issues. You might consider contacting a therapist in your area who can help you cope with your particular issues so that you are able to effectively integrate your sexual orientation into a strong self-image.

It’s important to arrive at this point of strength as much as possible before you first confide in–or come out to–family and friends. Being able to come from a position of self-acceptance can be key to your ability to establish a strong and healthy stance so that you’re able to better represent to others how very right your sexual orientation is for you.

Many have found that coming out is actually much more than the one-time act of making a public announcement to the effect that they’re gay. As one person characterized their ongoing experience: “There seems to be this popular belief that you come out once and it’s done. Or that coming out only refers to when you first tell your parents that you’re gay. But coming out is a process, and what really happens is that you come out over and over and over again. I come out every day.” Throughout your personal life’s journey, it can be critically important to conscientiously maintain a sound network of individuals–friends, family, and a supportive therapist–to help make sure your ongoing process of coming out is a life affirming one.