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If you have turned to drugs and alcohol to help you cope with living with an active addict, you may be suffering from codependency combined with a drug and alcohol addiction. Recovery Connection can help you find an addiction treatment program that will address your addiction and codependent behaviors. Call now and find the appropriate substance abuse treatment program. Take back your life from addiction and codependent behavior.
A person who continually places others first can be, generally speaking, suffering from codependent behavior. The origins of codependent behavior typically stem from the family of origin. Many times, an addict or an alcoholic will be in a relationship with a codependent, or the alcoholic or drug addict may be a codependent. A common internal dialogue in the codependent person can lead him or her to control of another, to be under the control of another, to be endlessly self-sacrificing, or to be overcome with feelings of guilt and shame. Codependency can also occur in family systems that do not involve any alcohol or substance abuse.
A person who must take control of others' lives, albeit to "help", functions within a codependent framework. If you tell others what to do, how to do it, and what to think, or you are so involved in others' lives, you may ignore a basic reality. When you take control of another's ability to think, or you make his or her decisions, and interfere with his or her ability to act independently, you are hurting both that person and yourself. By Allowing another to make your decisions and tell you what to think or do, you diminish self-worth and ability to function independently. When a person suffers from codependent behavior, he or she does not understand or honor personal boundaries.
Codependency was first identified in the 1950s when therapists noticed that an alcoholic's partner suffered from a variety of enabling behaviors. They called it being a co-alcoholic. Since that time, research has identified a great deal about codependency and the term has been expanded to include other self-destructive, controlling behaviors.
The below list is a sampling of common codependent traits. Not everyone suffers from the same combination of traits. Generally, codependent behaviors are learned in early childhood and often times are the coping mechanisms for abuse, neglect or abandonment.
There are two ways to view codependent behavior, from the perspective of the addict with codependent tendencies such as using rage to control the environment, or that of the addict's support system where someone may take control of the addict's life, such as calling into work, or paying bills for the addict. And, as with other addictions, the codependent will be busy denying his or her own reality as well as the reality of others.
To deal with the angst of living with an addict, or the sense of everything being out of control, the codependent family member may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of coping and become addicted. Despite these controlling behaviors, the codependent person generally feels like the victim. It is not unusual to find codependency and addiction plaguing the same person.
There is a 12 Step saying that helps addicts remember to keep the focus on themselves. It states, "when you point your finger at someone, there are usually three pointing back to you". We fold our fingers back toward our body and extend the index finger when we point.
Intimacy for the codependent is tied to "doing" for someone else or controlling someone else's thoughts, activities, or feelings. Treatment is necessary to break through these learned behaviors and response patterns. Codependency treatment can help foster a strong, healthy sense of self, build healthy personal boundaries, identify and stop attending closely to another's every need, and allow the consequences of unhealthy behaviors to happen. Codependents need to relearn how to place a healthy focus on themselves.
Codependency treatment may also include family therapy that will address unhealthy family systems. Individual and group therapy that help address family of origin issues, experiential groups, and behavioral groups. The goal of treatment is the development of a new awareness, an ability to identify emotions, and the creation of options for alternative actions and responses and the replacement of old codependent thinking patterns.
Codependents Anonymous (CODA) is an addiction support goup for those who suffer from codependency. CODA is a fellowship of people who have unhealthy relationship patterns and who are seeking support and guidance to develop healthier relationships. The group format consists of daily meetings that an individual can choose from and CODA uses a 12 step approach for recovery. More information about CODA can be found at www.coda.org.
If you are in a relationship with an active alcoholic and/or drug addict, you may be enabling the addict to continue using without consequences. The good news is that in a comprehensive drug and alcohol treatment program, family addiction education workshops and family therapy are part of the treatment protocol. Addiction is known as a family disease as every member of the family is impacted by the addiction and, conversely, by the codependent behavior. Everyone in the family needs help.
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